My Mistake

I see you looking through me, not at me. I stop and try to remember the past only to realize that things have always been this way. I listen to every word you say, every breath you take, every thought that crosses your mind. Yet, you barely hear me. You're oblivious to my presence; or is it indifference?!

Why is it that no matter what I see, it's something else I believe? Why is it that my soul will not accept what my mind knows? It doesn't take a genius to see what you're doing. You're not even pretending. You're being you. You've said all you've had to say, both good and bad. Yet I choose to remember the good, using them as lifesavers to keep me afloat in this deep ocean of failed dreams.

I close my eyes and remember your kind words. So few and far between. I tell myself you will miss me when I'm gone. The truth is, I'm right here now and that never seemed to make a difference to you. Why would you notice when I'm gone, when you can't even see that I'm here?

I try to force you out of my thoughts.. out of my dreams.. out of my illusions. You've never been more than a fantasy, a web so wonderfully spun by none other than my imagination. You're my fault. You're my mistake.

I open my eyes and see, you were never really ever here. You never really existed.

So then, why is it that I miss you?

New Post

The doc has advised me that it's time for a new post. So what do people do when they can't think of anything to write about? They ask questions!! Until I find a new topic (or someone kindly makes an interesting suggestion), here are two questions for you:

1. What's one of the most important lessons you've learned in life?

2. What characteristic can you NOT stand/tolerate in people?

Procrastination Rocks!

I had a test on Thursday. One I was by no means prepared for. One I should've taken a long time ago, but kept procrastinating. It was finally time.

What test, you ask? A physical assessment test. Yes, I decided to ASSESS how fit I was, like I needed an official opinion?!

I feel like I've spent the last million years running. Work, studies, family and social committments, etc. It was finally time to step back and take care of myself. Enough is enough.

I looked at the lady and said 'let me make it easy for you, I'm going to fail this test.' She laughed and said 'I hear that a lot.' Poor thing, little did she know what she was getting herself into.

The good news is: my blood pressure is excellent, my height perfect, and my endurance is good. The other stuff, none of your business! :@

Why am I posting this? To document my progress. Hopefully this will add enough pressure on me to actually make a change finally. Wish me luck! My gym bag's in the car and tomorrow's another day.

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can......

"لو جريت جري الوحوش... غير رزقك ما تحوش"

3omrah

The trip was amazing, overall. The below pic was taken Wed (8-Feb-06) afternoon:



Al7mdla, It didn't take long to complete el 3omra. The next couple days were a different story. This picture was taken Thurs night (10-Feb-06):



Friday, there was barely room to walk, especially prayer time; it was packed full! It was simply amazing seeing the thousands of people there to pray.

Unfortunately, during fajr prayer on Friday, as we're praying, this one lady starts screaming her head off. No clue what the problem was or who she was screaming at, but it made it difficult for most people to concentrate on their prayer! Why would anyone do this fee bait Allah, I will never understand.

Of course, that's not taking into consideration people who bring their young kids who start running around once prayer starts and throwing Quran on the ground!!! Or, while I'm sitting in front of el Ka3ba trying to concentrate on reading el-Quran, waiting on el sherooq, a couple girls sit behind me, start talking in English about this other girl they know, the skirt she was wearing, and one of them commented saying 'Can you believe what she was wearing? I mean, what the hell?!'... then they sat there for several minutes gossiping loudly, while i just proceeded to zone them out and concentrate on reading.

There were many incidents that REALLY tested my patience and my respect to the place I was in. Luckily, I managed to keep my mouth shut and continued to focus on the main reason i was there!

All in all, very peaceful, purifying, and fulfilling, al7mdla

Back

I'm back.. while it's always good to be home, I don't want to be back just yet! :/

More updates later.

Away...

I will be away for a few days, starting tomorrow. Should be back next week. Till then, fee Amant'Allah..

Weird? Me? Min Egool?!

Thanks to Hussa-G for this tag. Not sure why she hates me and is making me do this ;)

Like I said, I don't think people need a list to know about my weirdness (no moon walk islands! u know who u r!!) :@

Here goes:

1. If I need to get out of my car, for whatever reason, while it's still running, I have to roll down the window! I'm always fearful that somehow I'll get locked out while the car's running :|

2. I do my tea at work the exact same way every day. First two tea bags, then the sugar, followed by hot water. Stir. Remove and throw out 1 tea bag. Add milk (shway!). Stir until desired color. Remove second tea bag. Drink. It tastes different if I do it any other way! :/

3. I can't swim ... I can only swim with my head under water. The minute I pull my head up above water, I panic (could be attributed to me almost drowning twice when I was younger.)

4. I've mastered the skill of blocking people out. I can be sitting across from you while you yap yap yap away, and I hear absolutely nothing. It's like having my own mental mute button. This has worked wonders for me, especially if there are children around! :)

5. Though I'm female, I hate shopping! When my sister used to ask me to go shopping with her, I felt like she was punishing me! I've become a lot better now. However, I still cringe at the thought of going shopping with someone who loves shopping! I hate crowded places and how insane people get when they see a sale sign!

6. In complete contrast with the above, I love watching sports! I would actually prefer watching a football, soccer, or basketball game over shopping any day of the week and twice on Sunday!! SUPERBOWL TONIGHT!!! (not the team I wished to be there, but I'll have to stick to the AFC.. GO STEELERS!)

Facts of Life

Most females dream of their wedding day. They envision this whole romantic fairy tale of how they will meet their knight, how he will sweep her off her feet, how they'll have the most amazing wedding and how they'll live happily ever after. That's just an illusion and that's where the problems first begin!

Men on the other hand, don't necessarily think that way. Some men don't wait till they meet the right one. They live their life until they realize that they're ready to get married. They then look around and find the most suitable available candidate. (Before people jump down my throat, i said SOME.)

Knowing how different men and women are, knowing the culture we live in and how it's evolved (backwards instead of forward, unfortunately) and how people have drifted away from religion, it's no surprise how high the divorce rate is.

One of my friends is currently in the process of a divorce. For the past 4 years she considered her life with her husband as happy. They barely had a couple disagreements over the duration of their relationship, only to have him tell her on their anniversary, "Marrying you was a mistake."

The problem is that men can end a relationship, not necessarily because there's something wrong with the woman. It's not always 'personal'. Women don't understand that though. And what women don't understand, they find hard to accept.

There are no guarantees in life. However, I honestly think we're looking for the wrong things in a partner. People want: open minded, educated, romantic, faithful, and no one says: ekhaf rabbeh, strong ties to his family, respects people!

I'm not here to preach anyone. I would just like to say that we reap what we sow! And if you feel like you're getting the short end of the stick when you haven't done anything wrong, then wakkil amrek li Rabbek o just say: 7asbee Allah wa n3m el Wakeel. Anything else, is just a waste of time and energy. You can't control others, you can only control how you react to what's going on around you.

Why?

Even though these are old, I decided to post them cuz I think they're funny. The sad thing is that some of them apply to me. But, I refuse to admit which ones! :/

* Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

* Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there isn't enough?

* Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

* Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

* Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

* Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

* Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

* Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

* Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

* Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

* Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

* The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.