Sunday, December 31, 2006

New Beginnings

As the year comes to an end, it forces me to take a look back at 2006. The year started off on a negative note when a dear friendship came to an abrupt, but not sudden, hault. While I understand the reason I was given for it ending, I just can't seem to accept it being over! :/

There were some misunderstandings with other friends, met some amazing and wonderful new ones, and lived through life changing and shattering experiences with some loved ones. The year witnessed weddings, births, deaths, divorces and heart breaks.

I guess life's all about recycling! You meet people, you get close, some disappear, some survive the test of time.. but in the end, it's not about them. It's about what you learn from them and from that experience.

3eedkom Embarak.. kil 3am winto ibkhair.

As for 2007, may you smile a million smiles. May you never shed a sad tear. May you be surrounded by love and wonderful people. May you be blessed with the wisdom that life is not about eternity. It's about those moments that make it all worth while.

Everything will one day come to an end. May we all be prepared for that. Allah Ya7fethkom.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Déjà Vu

I don't feel like writing a new post, but for some reason, I'd like to repost an old one. I wrote the below post on December 30, 2005.


The Re-birth – Part IV

"و أذن في الناس بالحج يأتوك رجالا..."

I have never in my life felt as safe as I did as when I was at 3arafa. There are no words that I can put together that would truly be reflective of my feelings then. 3arafa, the day you feel all your sins are washed off; you are reborn.

You literally feel the presence of Angels around you. No one will be able to truly appreciate what I mean other than those who have actually been there. Had I not already put on the 7ejab prior to leaving home, there was no way I was going to walk out of 3arafa not met7ajba.

"God is so merciful that He is willing to forgive me for ALL my sins, and I can’t put a piece of cloth on my head? I can’t cover my hair? 3aib 3lay ibsara7a."

There will never be another wagfa ib 3arafa again where I will not recall all the feelings of that day and lower my head thanking Allah for His Greatness.

"اللهم اعوذ بك من الفقر و من شتات الامر و من شر ما يحدث بالليل و النهار أمسي ظلمي مستجيرا بعفوك و أمسي خوفي مستجيرا بأمانك .."

This is where a huge dose of reality was handed to me. Looking around, you see many different people from all parts of the world and all parts of life. You see poverty in its rawest form, yet poverty moved by faith! Simply unreal.

This is where I felt how weak I was as a mortal. This is where it became clear that at the end, it doesn’t matter what educational degree I hold, what job title I carry, how much money I make.. it doesn’t matter what country I was born in and if I can speak languages or not. What matters is how my actions will have earned me a place in Heaven or not. Looking around, I realize those who have lived much more humble lives were on the same level as me standing there, possibly even higher when it came to what really matters!

Road to Mina:
Heading to Mina, anything that can go wrong went wrong. Our bus got lost in the midst of the human oceans of people walking around. It was barely moving as a result and what should’ve taken us 1 hour, at most, took us 9 hours! During that ride some people started to whine and complain that we were late, that we were on the bus too long, etc.

Somehow, I felt completely calm and serene. My mother looked at me and asked if I was ok. I replied, “Never been better. We’re going to narjim el shay6an. He’s trying to mess things up for us. La etkhaloneh yaghlebkom. Don’t sit here and whine. Read Quran, read du3a2, do anything constructive. Complaining will just give el shay6an what he wants.”

So we, as a group, started reading Du3a2 and the more we read, the faster the bus was able to move. The minute we all said out loud “Allahuma Salleee wa Sallim 3ala Mohammed, wa 2al Mohammed”, the bus moved and kept on moving. Sub7anak ya Rab!

Ramee El-Jamarat:
So many people gathered around, throwing pebbles (rajm el shay6an.) We decided to split up. Three of my aunts and I decided to battle this together. We held on to each other like a train. I lead the pack and walked into the crowd. Again, sub7an Allah, somehow the path opens up and we find ourselves against the railing, right in front of the wall. I grabbed my seven pebbles. As I looked up and aimed to throw, I saw many other pebbles flying in the same direction.

Somehow, as the pebble leaves your hand, your eyes follow it and you know EXACTLY which one your’s is and you see where it hits. You know right there and then whether you’ve hit it right or not. As each pebble leaves your hand you get more and more upset with el shay6an and you throw the next one even harder. You realize all those times el shay6an managed to convince you to sleep a little longer till salat el fajr passed you. You remember all those times el shay6an waswas lek and you realize how silly it was to not see it and stop el shay6an from having an effect on you!

Final 6awaf:
Right before we began our final 6awaf, it started to drizzle lightly. Smiling, we all looked up to the sky. El mo6ar khair, abwab el sama maftoo7ah! Then, it poured down!! Rain completely washed us. But that didn’t bother us, on the contrary, we were smiling like we’d never smiled before! Does this mean that Allah teqabal minna and is washing our sins?

Although we were worn out by all the events over the past few days, the harder it rained the more energy we had. We finished el 6awaf with greater ease than our first 6awaf when we arrived. Then, it happened. During our 7th and final sho6 around el Ka3ba, the rain stopped. I looked up and there it was. The most beautiful, huge, colorful rainbow right above el Ka3ba and the sky was orange.

Aneh 7ajjiya. How great it feels to actually BE one. It’s not just a word people use anymore. It’s a title I have earned proudly.

"لا اله الا أنت سبحانك اني كنت من الظالمين"

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Angel Face

Look in the mirror. No, REALLY look in the mirror. What do you see? No, I don't think so. How can you see others so clearly but not see yourself?

Look at your eyes. Look deep inside. Yes, I see the saddness too. I see the disappointment and frustration. But don't you see the rest?

You are an amazing person.. a wonderful soul.. you touch every person you meet. Your sparkle brings an instant joy to those around you. You rush to help everyone, forgetting the most important one, yourself!

You're strong beyond your imagination. Look at what you've gone through and you still manage to put a smile on your face. I know, it may not be a genuine smile. But just the fact that you put one on, and walk with your head up high, is enough to show what you're made of deep down.

Stop worrying about other people, about whether they're happy or upset. You've spent your whole life giving. I think it's time you stepped back, relaxed and let others take care of you. You know why? Because you're worth it. And I refuse to stop until you believe it.

Monday, December 18, 2006


"When people disappoint you, forget about them.. and do something for yourself !"

Sunday, December 17, 2006

To You

Everytime I think of my future life, I see you in it. Whenever I think of happy moments I think of you being there to share that with me. I can't imagine anything new or happy in my life without you being there to witness it.

Your smile just makes me feel at instant peace. Your eyes make me want to run and give you a hug. Your hug makes me feel like I'm safer than safe and no one can touch me.

You've been the source of a lot of inspiration.. the source of a lot of prayers.. and the foundation of all that there is. I love you and will forever dedicate my all to you.

May God keep you healthy and strong, my beloved grandmother.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Simple, right?

Coke or diet coke? Steak or salad? Bora Bora or Las Vegas?

Why is it that some decisions are so easy to make while others are impossible? For the past few months I've been stuck. I have 2 doors in front of me and I have no idea which is best.

One day door #1 seems like the perfect one to open. I can sit and give you all the reasons why THAT should be my choice. Two weeks later, I can't find one reason why I should open door #1! It's door #2 of course!

I hate this indecisiveness.. and I'm running out of time! :/

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Fallen in Love!

Once again I've fallen in love. It's been so long. You know how they always tell you that sometimes something is right there in front of your eyes, but you just don't see it? Well, it's true!

Right there in front of my eyes the whole time, but I've been too blind to see, too stubborn to notice or give in. I've ignored it forever, but last night, I couldn't resist anymore. The temptation was too great and I finally took the dive. Let me tell you, it was definitely worth it.

Sleep! I'm in love with sleep! I finally went to bed early last night and wow does it make a difference. Cold weather makes me want to hibernate!

* the sheep are just for YOU! (you know yourself, kharoofa!)

Saturday, December 09, 2006


"You're either part of a team or you play alone the rest of your life."

Friday, December 08, 2006

Explanation Needed

Will someone please explain to a friend of mine the difference between "affection" and "attention"?


Monday, December 04, 2006

It isn't?

Have you ever noticed how, most of the time, when someone says, "It's not personal!", it IS !

Saturday, December 02, 2006


The best friends are those who pop out of nowhere at the exact moment you need them. Even more so, when they appear while you haven't even realized yet how bad you need them to be there. And just as you're being stubborn pretending you don't need help, they force you to shut up and let them take care of you!