Saturday, February 25, 2006

My Mistake

I see you looking through me, not at me. I stop and try to remember the past only to realize that things have always been this way. I listen to every word you say, every breath you take, every thought that crosses your mind. Yet, you barely hear me. You're oblivious to my presence; or is it indifference?!

Why is it that no matter what I see, it's something else I believe? Why is it that my soul will not accept what my mind knows? It doesn't take a genius to see what you're doing. You're not even pretending. You're being you. You've said all you've had to say, both good and bad. Yet I choose to remember the good, using them as lifesavers to keep me afloat in this deep ocean of failed dreams.

I close my eyes and remember your kind words. So few and far between. I tell myself you will miss me when I'm gone. The truth is, I'm right here now and that never seemed to make a difference to you. Why would you notice when I'm gone, when you can't even see that I'm here?

I try to force you out of my thoughts.. out of my dreams.. out of my illusions. You've never been more than a fantasy, a web so wonderfully spun by none other than my imagination. You're my fault. You're my mistake.

I open my eyes and see, you were never really ever here. You never really existed.

So then, why is it that I miss you?

14 comments:

Temetwir said...

because some ppl like to think of themselves as victims and the 'always-do-good' kind by comparing their words and actions to those who seem to be inconsiderate

there isnt really any right or wrong in this case.. all a matter of perception

just my 2 fils

MSB said...

(1st allow me to clarify, this is just a story.. not a reflection of something i'm going thru.)

ur very right tho.. some ppl love playing the victim!! ya3ney even when the other person is honest with them, they still somehow find a way to be victimized!

Temetwir said...

msb not at all, i wasnt thinking it was 'personal', hence the 'some ppl' phrasing :)

and yeah tell me abt it, ghaseb 6eeb fi naas taby tbayen enha ehy el zaina wel nas kelha ehy el shaina.. u can even sense it in their 'responses' (i should know lol)
so, how about calling it...

Victimizinsatiable ?

seems like a word that gets the msg across

MSB said...

khalnee awal a3arf alfeth el kalmeh, o ana warak 3ala 6ool with this new phrase!!

Your Battlefield said...

your words are like the antidote to many people out their that have been in this situation. got to say, you express emotions mashallah very beautifully. i'm looking forward to your posts. :)

MSB said...

your battlefield: teslemeen, mashkoora! :) & Welcome to my Blog!

ScarlO said...

Been there, done that, had the .. (is it panties?) and the hat ..

Lovely :-) And you have a nice blog btw. Haven't checked it before, don't know why good blogs are always hidden.

MSB said...

scarlo: ashraqat wanwarat! :) teslemeen, thanx!

Brava Valentia said...

i hear you =(

MSB said...

MC: :) life is full of lessons. those we learn first hand, and those we witness.

June said...

Loved this post darling. Hit home like no other.

But, to be honest with you, I'm all for illusions and denial (which is what I believe this post to be about). If you can convince yourself something exists when it doesn't and live with false hope, why not? It makes your days that much more tolerable. When however, your dreams come crashing down you can always refer to my previous post (where I state that everything ends). Life is crap sometimes. You have to hold on to fragments of illusion keep going. Too much realism is bad for the soul.

MSB said...

June: wow! 2 comments in 1 day! i must've done something right to deserve this! :)

interesting way of looking at it. but living in a world of dreams could lead to u eventually not realizing the diff btwn reality and fiction! and that's a v dangerous thing.

however, if ur aware of ur dreams and u KNOW that ur living something NOT real & only trying to enjoy it while u can, then i guess no harm done.

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fractal00 said...

Affection .. people are emotional by nature and no matter if it is real or imaginary they need that kind of affection, so they tend to think of some elaborate schemes that would provide them with that until they can find the person they can channel their love and affection to and vice versa..