Friday, March 10, 2006

Circle of Concern

I started off by writing a semi-long post, but decided to delete it all. I'll simply summarize what I want to say, by borrowing from none other than Mr. Covey himself.

"Circle of Influence vs Circle of Concern." Why do we waste so much time on the things we can't control? And what's even worse, is that a lot of times we know when something is bad for us, yet that doesn't seem to be enough to stop us!

8 comments:

Temetwir said...

mm explain it to me like im a six year old.. i dont understand :/

MSB said...

temetwir: gladly!

draw a big circle.. and inside it draw a very small circle...

now, the big circle is your "circle of concern", which basically represents all the matters in your daily life that concern you, make u stop and think about them, which worry you.

the smaller circle is your "circle of influence", which represents out of all the things ur concerned with, the portion that you CAN affect or change.

The theory goes like this: why worry about things in the outter circle, when the only things that u can alter are the ones in the smaller one? we spend so much wasted energy on things outside of our influence!

hope that was clear.

June said...

Good lord, why does that post feel like it was directly addressed to me? I'm crap with obsessing over things I can't control. It's like a hobby. Oh and as for staying away from things that are bad for me... Well! I think you out of all people know how impossible that is... For me I mean ;)

MSB said...

june: hehe, now that u mention it, yes! so true of u! :) as for the second part, OBVIOUSLY, considering yesterday! :)

it's ok.. i still love u.. we just have to work on this for ur sake!

Temetwir said...

msb chairz, but..

isnt that what makes it "out of our control.. for now?"

u 'worry' and 'waste energy' abt it so that the things u cannot control, shape around and come to fit ur expectations/work

its like saying:
draw a big circle, and a small circle inside

big circle is labelled: wants
small: needs

all u need is shelter food n water

all u want is all the things u dont have.. yet

i wouldnt call it wasting energy to "want the things which u do not need after making sure u already covered ur needs"

yea?

MSB said...

temetwir: but if it's something that u CAN achieve in the future, then it's in the circle of influence. if it's conceivable that u can control it, at any point, it goes in the smaller circle. the whole point is for ppl to think of what things they realistically can influence, versus things they know for a fact they'll never be able to change. it's learning WHERE to focus ur time and energy and slowly increase the size of ur 'circle of influence', while decreasing the extra space under 'concern'.

for e.g.: instead of thinking 'i hate the way my boss never listens to me', think 'if i change my behavior in this manner, it'll increase the odds of my boss listening to me'. instead of trying to change ur boss, which will probably be a losing battle, change the way you approach ur boss which might bring u what ur looking for. it's taking whatever situation u have, and instead of worrying about/complaining about the parts of it u CANT change, flip it into a way that's more proactive.. look at it from a direction that makes it plausable for u to change it to suit ur needs/wants.

this website gives u quick overview that might be helpful if ur interested:
http://www.breakoutofthebox.com/circle.htm

KJB said...

Why do we waste so much time on the things we can't control?
I think it might be merely human nature - we have the tendancy to be curious and want to see how far we can push our limits and how much we have control over certain matters?
To come to realize sometimes that we have no control over a certain aspect of our life is at times just hard to accept. We try to convince ourselves that we could change certain things coz sometimes the truth hurts.
As for the proactive approach you talked about MSB, if everyone was to deal with his/her boss or any other issue for that matter in the proactive manner u mentioned chan el dinya eb5air. Nonetheless don't get me wrong but i feel this is too idealistic-el kalam sahel but sometimes hard to achieve. Eventually it all comes down to the individual himself

MSB said...

kjb: el meshkila every time i hear the excuse 'it's human nature' i want to throw myself out a window! ya3ney human nature 2000 years ago has changed from human nature today. people EVOLVE. mayseer we keep the 'bad' habits and blame it on nature.

Allah an3am 3laina with a brain so we can think things through and change to the better.

:P

that said, i'm not trying to change anyone's views as that's outside of my circle of influence. i'm merely trying to remind myself of these matters! :)